This is the most special song I’ve ever written, born of the love and grief I felt as I watched my father battle with cancer. He was diagnosed on November 3 of 2004 and was called home on December 27^thof that very year. My father was my hero and my best friend; I miss him each and every day.

Most of those last few weeks of his life were spent in the hospital getting biopsies, tests and treatments. The process was painful for him but his strength carried him through with great dignity. But when you watch your loved one suffer you also experience pain, the kind of pain that sits in your heart and overwhelms your soul.  Watching my father struggle, helpless to save him from the ravages of cancer, I started having unusual chest pains. I ignored it at first but eventually ended up in the emergency room myself.

It’s a funny thing, the thoughts that go through your mind when you face a crisis. Through the grief words began pouring into my mind with a special sort of clarity and calmness. They cut through the chaos as I sat there in my own hospital bed, waiting for my test results but consumed with worry for my father. By the end of the day my results had come back fine, and I had everything but the bridge to this very special song.

A few days later I was communing with a dear friend who had just lost his 21 year old son in a tragic car accident.  It was just after Thanksgiving and we were both struggling with all the grief and pain life had dealt to us. My friend and his wife passed along something to me that was told to them to help them deal with their tremendous loss. What they told me proved to be the key to finishing my song.
You see, in the Bible it says that one day in Heaven is like a thousand down upon the earth. A friend of their son reminded them that if they looked at it that way, they’d really be seeing their son in no time. In “heaven’s time” it’d be a few hours until they were with their beloved son once more. From that conversation the bridge came to me as easily as had the rest of the song:  “One day up there, is like a thousand here, at least that what you’ve told me, then in Heaven’s time, I’ll be just fine, I will see you in a moment, before I know it.”

This bridge section will always remind of JD, who has gone to his Heavenly home.  He was a great son and a friend loved by many ; he too is missed.

I have no doubt that “I Don’t Have the Heart To Say Goodbye” was divinely inspired.

Through my tears and grief the words and melody were given to me. I know that the Lord was helping me deal with my sorrow and through that inspiration I hope to help others who have lost a loved one. Our time here is limited and each of us will lose our friends and loved ones when the Lord calls them home. 

One last note, although the song was written before I lost my dad, I started recording the original version of this song on the same day that my dad died.  The process helped me through the difficult days around the funeral. I barely slept but somehow had the energy to work on this song.  We were recording and mixing for three days straight in order to get it done on time – it’s amazing what you can do with the Lord’s help!  We had the whole song recorded and mixed before the funeral on New Years Eve of 2004, and we premiered it at his funeral with a slide show.

This song features the vocal talents of Heather Autry.  It is a newer version of the original song in a "Young Country" genre. I also worked with other talented artists and note worthy people including Lari Goss who did the string arrangement, Tim Couch on violin, Geron Davis arranged and sang all background vocals along with his wife Becky and Landy Ewing.  I also called on Grammy winner Bob Bullock to mix this song who worked with Shania Twain on her multi selling and Grammy winning albums, “Come On Over” and “Up.” 

The original song was written for my dad and features the words, “A gentle man, you showed me Jesus,” in the second verse.  But, I have developed a web site just for this song where you will be able to purchase several different versions of this song.  All the words are the same except for in the second verse where the words are changed to cover the different situations you might be experiencing.   You can read all of the lyrics to these versions on my website.

I also have the following different versions for moms, mentors, friends and loved ones:

• A version to mom’s that say:

“A perfect mom, you showed me Jesus,” in the second verse.

• A version for lifelong friends that say:

“A faithful friend, you showed me Jesus,” in the second verse.

• Another version that says:

“A loving hand, you showed me Jesus,” in the second verse.

• A soundtrack for live performance is also available that can be purchased with just the music and without any vocals, as well as a soundtrack with just the music and background vocals added, but no lead vocal.